Martyr – Slave – Tyrant – Who do you think you are?

This is an interesting subject.  Which stereotype are you?  First of all what do these words mean.  Martyr means “One who makes great sacrifices”.    Slave means “The property of another – A person entirely under the domination of some influence or person”.  Tyrant means “ A ruler who governs without restrictions and rules in a harsh, cruel manner, unrestrained by law.

I am not sure I am any one of these stereotypes but a combination of them all!   I   would like to think I am not a tyrant…..although, as a parent, I probably was at times.  I had to stick to my principles and gut feelings. I call it being responsible.    For instance, how would you respond to a child’s request asking for money? Or for that new computer game?  You want to say NO but do you meet their request or meet them half way.  It could be that a friend or relative wants to come and visit when you are busy – do you say Yes or No!  What about when you get unfair criticism from a work colleague.   Do you face the situation and set limits or sulk?  In different situations how do you respond?  Are you the aggressive type or a doormat?.  Do you control and manipulate?  I think the best way forward is to be assertive, to respect yourself and others. You should accept your own positive/negative qualities……..then you do not need to put other people down in order to feel good about yourself.  Other people are NOT responsible for what is happening to your own life. So if you are refused a request for something…..you shouldn’t feel rejected as self-esteem is anchored deeply inside yourself and you do not need approval of others around.  (However, I really do hope you like my blogs!).

If you’re a martyr, you make great sacrifices in order to feel good and then regret your actions later.  You cling on to hard luck stories and close people around you are exasperated with your lack of willpower. If you’re a slave or doormat, you are ideal fodder for the ‘tyrant’…. the aggressive type of person because you find it difficult to make a decision and avoid making choices in life. You may even see yourself as a victim.   As a tyrant, you are forceful and you may belittle other people’s thoughts/values…….you’re hell bent on winning and attack people who are vulnerable and others are frightened of you!  (just like Gaddafi who urges violence and tells Libyans “I’ll die a martyr”. Not good!! We can do without people like this!!).  So who do you think you are?

I think I am different things at different times.  I can be a tyrant, but not in the worst sense, if I think and say what I believe (it’s probably, at my age, been tried and tested), I will follow through my beliefs religiously.  I can be a martyr and a slave………but for good reason.  We all make sacrifices in our lives, especially if we have children, and we all are under the influence of another person at some time in our lives, but I think you mustn’t be any one of these. You have to get that balance right but it might change with every new situation.  Do I think you should know who you are?  Absolutely….Yes!  History has just got hip and you can find out who your ancestors are and if this helps in finding out ‘who you are’ you should get a genealogist quick and  I know where to find one! 

Have fun in the week ahead and if you need a genealogist, or want to sign up to a really good family history course being run in your local library, then email my partner ………john@plester.info  (www.plester.info)

I leave you with this Swedish proverb……Fear less, hope more, eat less, chew more, whine less, breathe more, talk less, say more, hate less, love more, and good things will be yours.

27/02/11

Valentine's Day

Valentine’s Day                 

Valentine's Day (so Wikipedia says)….. is an annual day  held on February 14 celebrating love and affection between intimate companions. The day is named after a Christian martyr named Valentine and was established by Pope Gelasius I in 500 AD. It was deleted from the Roman calendar of saints in 1969 by Pope Paul VI, but its religious observance is still permitted. It is traditionally a day on which lovers express their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery, and sending greeting cards (known as "valentines"). The day first became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer, English Poet  in the 13th century, when the tradition of courtly love flourished.  Modern Valentine's Day symbols include the heart-shaped outlines, doves, and the figure of the winged Cupid. Since the 19th century, handwritten valentines have largely given way to mass-produced greeting cards.

Yeah Yeah Yeah….. What does Valentine’s Day mean now :  – a nice meal at a fancy restaurant (they usually charge x4 times as much as any other day! – Maybe being pampered with chocolates and flowers.  There are still some old fashioned customs around like in Wales you can give your sweetheart a love spoon.  In the 17^th Century young men carved a wooden spoon to give to their intended.  If accepted ,  they became engaged and  the spoon would always be treasured.  In recent years this custom has been revived – so old fashioned romance is surely still alive and well.  In Slovenia, an old proverb says that "St Valentine brings the keys of roots,"  so on 14^th February, plants and flowers start to grow. It’s a day when the first work in the vineyards and  fields commences.  It has only recently been celebrated as the day of love.   In the UK we send anonymous cards or a bunch of red roses to someone we like or love or to someone we don’t know but would like to know!! .   These 3 examples couldn’t be more different.

I once received, at work, which was highly embarrassing, a bunch (not bouquet) of the worse flower combination  I have ever seen in my life!  (Trust me…….I’m a florist and I know !!).   So if you are going to send flowers please go to a reputable florist or just give one decent red rose that actually smells fragrant. 

So what is February 14^th all about?           It’s all about……… L O V E !    So what is Love. Wikipedia says    ”It’s an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment…..representing all of human kindness, compassion, affection.  In some religious contexts,  love is not just a virtue but the basis for all being.  ie God is Love, but love can refer to a variety of different feelings…like I love that dress, I love pasta. I love children”.  There is romantic love, platonic love (friendship). And religious love.   Love in it’s various forms acts as a major facilitator for relationships.  I adore LOVE and all that it stands for….. but does it have to be celebrated on 14^th Feb?  What about all the other days in the year!   

Do you know what I love?  I love my man, I love my family, I love to love, I love travelling, I love music, I love singing, I love flowers.  I love walking on a beach, swimming, gardening. I love a glass of red wine, eating pasta and strawberries and (so I am told)….. I love talking!

There are many songs written about love…. here are a few of my favorites:

Can’t help falling in love  - Elvis Presley

Am I on your mind – Andrea Britton

All you need is love – Beatles

Love you a little bit more – Dr Hook

Groovy kind of Love –Phil Collins

I just called to say I love you – Stevie Wonder

I will always love you – Whitney Houston

I’ll do anything for love  - Meat Loaf

Why do fools fall in love – Frankie Lymon

So much in love – The Tymes

I can’t stop loving you - Ray Charles

So whether your celebrating Valentine’s Day or not….have a happy Monday and Lots of love to you all. xx

Change - Have you ever dreamt of doing something different?

 Do you open your mind to new ideas? Do you fantasize about changing your lifestyle completely by doing a different job or taking up a different hobby or even travelling the world…..well you can and now’s the best time to do it!  (So they say). Mind you, for most of my life ‘change’ was just a 6 letter word!! Impossible  (or was it?)….but…….. it doesn’t mean it’s not a good idea.  

Apparently, instead of burying pictures, letters and other keepsakes to be discovered in the future – you can now send yourself an email  which will be delivered back to you in 5, 10 or 20 years!  I ask myself…..what would I expect to have ‘changed’ in all that time? I guess the worries that you have now will be long forgotten.

There are many reasons why people change their lives :

…….maybe by getting a new job : because if you have children, nursery fees are expensive and work hours are long…so you could set up a business working  from home to have more flexibility and friendlier hours. You may have been made redundant…but this could be a positive career move to make you look at ways to change your life.   

…….maybe you want to travel the world: To get away from a stressful time or relationship - you might want to prove something to yourself or simply see how others live in the world.

…….maybe your ‘change’ will be to write a book or a blog…….A blog can be a good business venture,  remember the film ‘Julie and Julia’.  Julia Child's story of her start in the cooking profession is intertwined with blogger Julie Powell's 2002 challenge to cook all the recipes in her first book. They are real-life women who never met.  Julia Child, a major figure in introducing French cuisine to the American middle classes, found late fame as a prolific author of cookery books (pioneer TV chef played by Meryl Streep).   Julie Powell found early, less enduring fame in her 30s by writing a blog as she cooked her way through Julia Child's most famous work, the 734 page ‘Mastering the Art of French Cookin’g. In 2005, this became the bestseller book ‘Julie & Julia’ and also made into a great movie!.

It’s all good stuff for changing things.  If you don’t have a clearly defined goal…..there are self- help books out there to help you decide how to change your life.  Change can be a frightening prospect and to be assertive in this present climate will be risky.  You might need some money to re-train or set up a business but it will be money well spent and in time, will give you satisfaction and flexibility to enjoy the lifestyle you want to pursue.   Change may mean you have to learn how to deal with people in your everyday life and manage personal relationships more effectively and successfully …….and………. ‘Change for change sake!’……….well let the Politicians and the Football Managers take care of that!!

The Change 4 Life Campaign that the Government is running is a good ‘change’ and one we all can follow…..if you log on to the ‘Change 4 Life’ website you will find easy steps  to make positive changes to your eating and exercise behaviour.  It helps you change your physical and eating habits by suggesting ways you can change your behaviour. For example: eating 5 fruits a day, exercising daily or healthy snacking.

So what are the comforts of Change?  Self- satisfaction?  A sense of well -being and contentment?  A new zest for life?  It could be any of these things but  ‘Time’ could be the most important factor of ‘change’ as it lets you contemplate and materialize your ideas.  

Remember…… “If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right, you'll probably never do much of anything.” …..and “If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun”.

NB: For those of you who hate change…….………the lyrics of Billy Joel song may ring true…….

“Don't go changing, to try and please me
You never let me down before
Don't imagine you're too familiar
And I don't see you anymore
I wouldn't leave you in times of trouble
We never could have come this far
I took the good times, I'll take the bad times
I'll take you just the way you are.”

Have a happy week...... and for my precious daughter……a long awaited operation on Wednesday which will change her life.... love you xxx

6/02/11