Martyr – Slave – Tyrant – Who do you think you are?

This is an interesting subject.  Which stereotype are you?  First of all what do these words mean.  Martyr means “One who makes great sacrifices”.    Slave means “The property of another – A person entirely under the domination of some influence or person”.  Tyrant means “ A ruler who governs without restrictions and rules in a harsh, cruel manner, unrestrained by law.

I am not sure I am any one of these stereotypes but a combination of them all!   I   would like to think I am not a tyrant…..although, as a parent, I probably was at times.  I had to stick to my principles and gut feelings. I call it being responsible.    For instance, how would you respond to a child’s request asking for money? Or for that new computer game?  You want to say NO but do you meet their request or meet them half way.  It could be that a friend or relative wants to come and visit when you are busy – do you say Yes or No!  What about when you get unfair criticism from a work colleague.   Do you face the situation and set limits or sulk?  In different situations how do you respond?  Are you the aggressive type or a doormat?.  Do you control and manipulate?  I think the best way forward is to be assertive, to respect yourself and others. You should accept your own positive/negative qualities……..then you do not need to put other people down in order to feel good about yourself.  Other people are NOT responsible for what is happening to your own life. So if you are refused a request for something…..you shouldn’t feel rejected as self-esteem is anchored deeply inside yourself and you do not need approval of others around.  (However, I really do hope you like my blogs!).

If you’re a martyr, you make great sacrifices in order to feel good and then regret your actions later.  You cling on to hard luck stories and close people around you are exasperated with your lack of willpower. If you’re a slave or doormat, you are ideal fodder for the ‘tyrant’…. the aggressive type of person because you find it difficult to make a decision and avoid making choices in life. You may even see yourself as a victim.   As a tyrant, you are forceful and you may belittle other people’s thoughts/values…….you’re hell bent on winning and attack people who are vulnerable and others are frightened of you!  (just like Gaddafi who urges violence and tells Libyans “I’ll die a martyr”. Not good!! We can do without people like this!!).  So who do you think you are?

I think I am different things at different times.  I can be a tyrant, but not in the worst sense, if I think and say what I believe (it’s probably, at my age, been tried and tested), I will follow through my beliefs religiously.  I can be a martyr and a slave………but for good reason.  We all make sacrifices in our lives, especially if we have children, and we all are under the influence of another person at some time in our lives, but I think you mustn’t be any one of these. You have to get that balance right but it might change with every new situation.  Do I think you should know who you are?  Absolutely….Yes!  History has just got hip and you can find out who your ancestors are and if this helps in finding out ‘who you are’ you should get a genealogist quick and  I know where to find one! 

Have fun in the week ahead and if you need a genealogist, or want to sign up to a really good family history course being run in your local library, then email my partner ………john@plester.info  (www.plester.info)

I leave you with this Swedish proverb……Fear less, hope more, eat less, chew more, whine less, breathe more, talk less, say more, hate less, love more, and good things will be yours.

27/02/11